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The blogs on Sensualfusion.com are written by some of the top sexuality experts around. Their information is based on scientific research and fact. Come learn about the latest news, "trends," and issues related to sex, sexual health, and intimate relationships...

Like Her a Lot? Consider Keeping It a Secret.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

It sounds like such a game, but playing hard-to-get may be the best strategy in attracting a gal. Recent research published in Psychological Science is reporting that keeping a woman guessing about your interest, at least initially, is what draws her in.

Such conclusions were drawn after presenting 47 college women at the University of Virginia with four fictitious, attractive, likeable, undergraduate male Facebook profiles. Participants were told that these male students at two other universities had viewed her profile, as well as those of about 20 other female college students, and rated the degree to which they thought they’d get on with each given the opportunity to get to know her better.

The women were most attracted to men whom they weren’t sure liked them a lot or who liked them simply “average.” Such is grabbing given that people tend to like people who like them. Yet being kept in the dark appears to have an even stronger draw. With so many singles, especially women, sick of dealing with players, the question is “why??”

Typically, people tend to think that it’s the challenge the ups interest. And certainly, keeping a potential mate at arm’s length can add to the allure and the desire to win somebody over. After all, when we work hard for something, the rewards tend to garner a great deal more satisfaction. The “prize” become that much more attractive.

Social scientists are speculating, however, that the reason for the attraction is much simpler than all of that. The desire to want what you at least think you can’t easily have may simply be due to finding yourself thinking about the person that much more.

With earlier research indicating that feeling uncertain increases one’s thoughts about an unpredictable situation, it’s this uncertainty that can be mistaken for attraction. It’s presumed that having “X” on the brain must mean a crush - or something more…

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Making an Instant Connection without Saying a Word

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Though we don’t like to admit it, humans are largely lonely creatures. Whether wasting time on Facebook, searching for a tryst - or more - on a dating website, or hiring an escort for an event or evening, humans are often looking to fill a void. They long to connect and spend time with others. Most recently, this has been seen in the popularity of website Rentafriend, which gets 100,000 unique views per month.

Modeled after wildly successful sites in Japan and other Asian locales, Rentafriend has about 2,000 members who pay $24.95/month or $69.95/year to login and check out other potential friends. ‘Tis a bit sad on so many levels, especially when you consider the ways people overlook the instant connections they make with other people every day.

Take daily “passive contacts,” e.g., nodding to a person at your bus stop every morning. Social psychological research has shown that the more passive contacts you have with an individual, the more likely you are to gravitate toward that person – the likelier you are to connect.

What social scientists call “mere exposure effects” further influence our attraction for others. The more familiar the person, even on a subconscious level, the greater the appeal that individual has for us. So if you’re interested in meeting someone seemingly special or want to make a friend, start by making sure that this person sees you more often, as this alone makes you more attractive and friendly to others.

Once in a person’s space, use touch to your advantage, while being appropriate. As you may recall from a first romantic dinner, we tend to touch and look at those whom we have an immediate liking for, as this communicates closeness and affection (if even the desire for such). Those who touch during a first encounter have reported feeling more affection, trust, relaxation, similarity, and informality. They also feel more immediacy and receptivity with the other in having had the exchange.

These factors lend themselves to feeling closer to and more attracted to the individual touching us. All of this increases the likelihood of making a connection, in part because we’re automatically drawn to the other in picking up that person’s liking for us. Perhaps if people paid more attention to those cues and the people that they’re subconsciously connecting with, they wouldn’t need services like those on Rentafriend.

 

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